Be Kind To Yourself

Kathy was nice to just about everyone except one person – herself. She was thoughtful, patient, kind and caring. She would surprise friends with loving cards, send SMSes to those she cared about to say hi and buy gifts for friends and family on special occasions. She rarely, however, did anything nice for herself. Not only that, she would regularly berate herself for anything she perceived that she did wrong and talk to herself in negative ways. In short, she treated herself as she would treat someone she really didn’t like and these habits had translated into low self-esteem.

Are you anything like Kathy? If you are then it’s high time that you change your attitude towards yourself.

It’s sad but of all people in our lives, the person most of us are the hardest on, pay the least attention to and shower the least amount of love on is OURSELVES. We fail to realise that when we don’t love ourselves, we can’t offer much in the way of love to others. Some people find it difficult to be kinder to themselves as they have never tried doing so or it has never occurred to them that they need to. The truth is that we can give to others only what we ourselves have to give and one of the best ways to have more love to give is to first give that love to ourselves. We can be kinder to ourselves in two ways.

First, avoid sabotaging yourself with negativity and self-loathing by indulging in self-deprecating and self-defeating statements. Thoughts such as “I can’t do it” and “I haven’t been a very good friend” can be very destructive and when you start paying attention to what you are thinking, you will be shocked at how often you think negatively about yourself.

When you catch yourself thinking negatively, drop the thought from your mind and then pat yourself on the back. Ask yourself the question, “Am I being kind to myself as I would to a good friend?” If the answer is no, it’s time to ask, “Why?” and stop being so hard on yourself, much like you wouldn’t be so harsh on a good friend who had erred.

The second way to become kinder to yourself is to reserve time just for you. Whether it’s time spent in quiet reflection, reading, meditation, exercise, making a trip to your favourite store or getting a facial, it’s important that you find time to do nice things just for yourself. Acknowledge that you deserve special treatment and that you have earned the kindness that you have tried so hard to give to others.

Far from being selfish, your loving-kindness towards yourself will trigger your natural instinct to want to give that love back to others.

Remember, what goes around comes around. When it comes to kindness, it all starts with you and this easy change is well worth the effort, so do be kind to yourself.